[FILM] Threesome – R.I.P.D., Pacific Rim, After Earth

I had said that some of my October DVD Releases deserved a post of their own. I did, however, find that wasn’t the case for all of them and for once I ran short of words when it came to this trio of temptation. Or it could be just the fact that I’ve consumed a bottle of Pinot Grigio to myself and am now contemplating pouring myself a generous gin and tonic, but this particular ménage à trois inspired me a little less than its predecessors. Whatever, onward!

RIPD Poster

R.I.P.D.

This movie had it all. Good actors acting badly, awfully implemented CGI and a poorly emulated science fiction premise that fell short. I wanted R.I.P.D. to be good. It wasn’t.

My brother stated to me that he turned it off half way through as he was bored witless. My brother is a single man in his late twenties, he’s easily pleased and easily amused, as one might guess considering. He couldn’t face watching the second half.

R.I.P. to the man you used to be!

R.I.P. to the man you used to be!

I, on the other hand, could, but I’m not sure why I bothered.

IMDB Rating: 5.5
Do I agree?: Lol.

Pacific Rim Poster

Pacific Rim

Ah, Pacific Rim. A movie about the end of a world that is saved by giant Mech Warriors punching Godzilla type aliens in the face. Let us, for a moment, forget that this movie’s borderline propagandist script was awful and uber cheesegasmic tripe, or the fact that nobody (with a possible exception of Idris Elba) involved could actually act their way out of a cardboard box, and just appreciate how AWESOMELY COOL Pacific Rim is.

Let us be honest. It looked amazing. It had giant robot transformers and monster extra-terrestrial lizards that were being controlled by little aliens who were hiding under the sea. They were just chilling, you know, waiting until all of their Godzillas had murdered enough of the pesky humans before they could mount an infiltration. Sound familiar? Maybe not yet, but this rousing of the troops speech may just trigger a memory of another bygone film. I’ll give you a clue; it rhymes with Blindependence Day.

Category 5 Kaiju Sebastian.

Category 5 Kaiju Sebastian.

Screen Junkies’ Honest Trailer for Pacific Rim pretty much sums up exactly how I feel about this spectacular summer blockbuster.

Was it clever? No. Will it touch you in places you’re rarely touched? Hehe! Will it change your life? No, not unless you’re a stripper and are inspired to take the stage name “Gipsy Danger”.

Will I watch it again? **** YEAH! It’s the worst movie I’ll ever watch twice.

IMDB Rating: 7.2
Do I agree?: ‘MURICA!

After Earth Poster

After Earth

M. Night Shamalamadingdong’s latest offering proves to be just as crap as his last. With the Smiths’ involvement I was hoping for so much more. I liked the premise; it wasn’t the most original in the world but if handled correctly could have been vastly entertaining.

It wasn’t really handled correctly though. Will Smith plays a cyborg in this, and his son, Jaden, plays his real life self in After Earth, with the only notable exception being the fact that the only superpower he wields in real life is the power of horrendously annoying teen douchenuggetry.

Jaden Smith on double date with pals dressed as Iron Man. Actual scene from After Earth.

Jaden Smith on double date with pals dressed as Iron Man. Actual scene from After Earth.

I actually didn’t think that After Earth was as bad as others before me have declared it to be. Perhaps this was because I went into the viewing of it knowing how poorly my peers had rated it, and as such I had absolutely no expectations and found that I didn’t totally abhor it. That doesn’t mean that I’d recommend it though.

IMDB Rating: 5.0
Do I agree?: Jaden killed that majestic eagle with his real life superpowers.

Have a Category 5 weekend everyone!

V Does DVD Releases (October) 5/13.


Categories: Film, Review

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

73 replies

  1. I think it’s funny that i’ve reviewed two of the three movies that you have on this list. I thought After Earth was just terrible and I loved The Pacific Rim to death so I don’t agree with you there. I knew RIPD was going to be bad. It was a dumbed down version of Men In Black in my opinion.

  2. I feel like I should defend Pac Rim a bit, but I can’t really argue with you. Like the honest trailer says, “It’s the most awesome stupid movie ever”. Or is it “the most stupid awesome movie”? I still don’t know. It’s not quite a classic, but it has the most awesome scifi action ever.

    • I totally feel ya Dylan. On the one hand you’re thinking to yourself, some of this is really awful, but on the other you’re thinking, but it’s still completely awesome. If I was to judge it on just how amazingly cool it looked it would probably be my favourite of all the summer blockbusters, easily.

  3. I love what you said in “Do I agree?” for After Earth :D RIPD ddnt release here, but really enjoyed Pacific Rim. After Earth was just some time in the theatre which I should have avoided!

    • :D

      You’re definitely not missing out with RIPD! As for After Earth, you have my sympathies for having to pay to sit through it in the theatre. Pacific Rim though, very enjoyable despite the few scathing remarks I gave it, and I’m actually sorry I didn’t get to see it on the big screen because it looks so, so amazing.

      • Yes, you have to watch Pacific Rim on the big screen, and I watched it on the biggest one in the city to be sure! :D

        May be RIPD would release here next year :D I thought critics might be wrong with After Earth, but they were so right :)

  4. Yes, Pacific Rim is either the most awesome stupid movie ever or the stupidest awesome movie. Totally agree…having said that, I f***ing LOVE IT!! Then again, I am a huge mecha fan and this is Guillermo’s love letter to that genre :)

    And there’s a second reason I love it: It’s a Sons of Anarchy cast reunion with both Ron Perlman and Charlie Hunnam, and I think they did the best with the script they had…which wasn’t much.

    As for Elba, it’s Idris f***ing Elba, you can give him a Ham Ad and he’ll turn it into an epic :) (and I am so waiting for the Luther film)

    I didn’t see After Earth (you need to see the honest trailer) and R.P.I.D. I saw the trailers and immediately said “NO!”. Funnily enough (or sadly, depending on your point of view) the R.P.I.D. video game is apparently superior to the film in every way.

    Thank you for adding “douchenuggetry” to my vocabulary!

    • Yes, that’s pretty much the exact same reaction I had after I’d watched Pacific Rim! Like I said, it’s the worst movie I’ll watch twice! I’ll probably watch it more than twice, actually. :D I mean, it’s GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING GODZILLAS. How can you not enjoy that?

      I love Ron Perlman usually. I haven’t seen Sons of Anarchy so I probably judged Hunnam too harshly and I’ll have to concede that the script definitely put all sorts of constraints on them. I’m a new fan of Idris Elba though, I really like him. Must watch Luther.

      Not surprised RIPD game is superior to the movie (wouldn’t be hard), I think it’s a concept that would probably lend itself better to that kind of media. I just watched the After Earth Honest Trailer, have to say, it’s pretty spot on. There are few Honest Trailers that I don’t agree with.

      Douchenugget is such a wonderful word, I try to incorporate it into every day conversation frequently. ;D

  5. Ha! I might start reviewing after a bottle of wine after reading this. Haven’t seen any of them so nothing particularly constructive to add but will be giving Pacific Rim a go at some point. Murica!

    • Pacific Rim is definitely the top of that bunch and the only one I’d recommend to anyone. Also would recommend reviewing after a bottle of wine, everything is either more hilarious or more ridiculous and the scathing words come to the touch that much easier. ;D

      Murica!

  6. Hey I agree with you on After Earth and R.I.P.D, but I loved Pacific Rim warts and all, as I showed in my review of it. I had a few niggles, but I didn’t think the acting was terrible or anything like that. I thought it was was it said it was – robots vs monsters with epic action scenes and some good humour thrown in. But I loved your rating of ‘Murica!

    • I just popped over to read your review and I have to say, I pretty much agree with everything you’ve said. The temptation to rate it ‘Murica! was just too much though, but if I could have resisted it I would have left the 7 rating, as it deserves that much for giving me such a fun ride of visuals and action. I always struggle reviewing movies like Pacific Rim, because I find it hard to reconcile what I believe to be issues with script and dialogue delivery to how much I’m loving the action I’m seeing!

      • Very true, I must admit that some of the acting wasn’t the greatest ever, but it doesn’t really matter in a film about giant robots punching giant monsters. For me it was just a huge “Your Inner Child is Going to Love This”! Though, I must admit, for an ‘Murican film, it does take place a lot outside of ‘Murica with quite a diverse cast.

        • That’s a good point, there were representatives from many countries and cultures evident throughout. Seriously though, you’re so right in saying that it can’t but appeal to your inner child. I was entranced by many of the sequences as an adult, can only imagine how my nine year old self would have reacted. :D

  7. Jaden Smith has no dress sense. To make a good impression you need to dress as Batman for a date.

  8. Today I learnt how to spell M. Night Shyamalan’s name after a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

  9. Haha! I love these reviews! I’ve only seen Pacific Rim as the other two just look too awful – Totally agree with what you’ve said about Pacific Rim. It’s shit! Awful script and characters… So cliche… But so damn FUN! :-)

  10. After reading this review, this weekend is officially starting out as the most entertaining one of the year. I’ll be smiling all the way to Sunday night.

    I didn’t see R.I.P.D., but i completely agree with your review of the other two. I think that Pacicfic Rim is destined to be a cult classic for your generation in the same way that Mothra vs. Godzilla and The Giant Behemoth was for mine. Don’t tell anyone but, after seeing it in the theater, I actually bought the Blu-ray so that I could watch it late at light with a bowl of popcorn. It brings back memories of my youth.

    Speaking of youth, be careful with those “ménage à trois” references. My heart isn’t in as good of shape as it was thirty or forty years ago. I’m not sure it’s supposed to beat that fast.

    • I won’t tell anyone that you bought the Pacific Rim Blu-ray if you don’t tell anyone that I did the same and have every intention of re-watching it! ;D Especially for when I need a pick-me-up, that movie is full of perfect happy action fodder. How can one stay down when you’re watching something so STUPIDLY COOL!?

      I hope the rest of your weekend was enjoyed JF, and was full of other purposely naughty but always accidentally misconstrued references.

  11. we really liked Pacific Rim because we went into it with only the expectation for action and cheese. The other 2, I’m not even thinking about watching the other 2 unless I can drink an entire bottle of Firefly with each movie.

    • Oh trust me, the only way you’d enjoy RIPD and After Earth is if you were under the influence of or high on something greater than plain old “life”. Firefly would ease the pain. Hope all is well with yourself Yolanda, it’s nice to see you as always!

  12. Haha did Pacific Rim touch you, dirty boy films :D

    Loved Pacific Rim and got the blue ray for good times :D

  13. I’m just happy to hear someone else refers to him as Shamalamadingdong! WHAT A TWIST!

    I am on the waitlist for Pacific Rim. SO many of my geeky friends LOVED IT.

    I have no desire to see RIPD. As soon as I saw the trailer, it looked like someone hoping to recapture the magic of MIB but then deciding not to put the full effort into it (hence the casting of Ryan Reynolds. Srsly Hollywood, I’m NOT interested!)

    • That’s exactly what RIPD was, a poor copy of MIB. Nowhere near the same charm or originality. Twas awful, I had the urge to apologise to my MIB DVD case as soon as I’d finished watching it.

      Shamalamadingdong ftw, now I have another urge to make a few edits to his Wiki page.

  14. I haven’t seen any of your threesome. The one I’m most interested in watching is Pacific Rim.Giant robots vs monster lizards, I’m in!

  15. A Del Toro movies should just be renamed Monster Parade. And everyone, thank heaven for this, must feature Ron Perlman. I mean who doesn’t love Ron Perlman.

    My Best and Happy Fandom

    http://wp.me/43bYh

  16. I watched After Earth, hearing it was terrible and expecting a terrible movie – I had expected it to be a quality F-rated movie, but I would end up giving it a solid give it a D+, and send it home with an extra-credit assignment because I have faith in Will Smith.

    The other two movies I could never bring myself to watch. Pacific Rim looked horrendously done simply by the preview, and although I like both actors in R.I.P.D in other films….the preview made my heart cry. I would never be able to watch it all the way through and not feel overwhelming sadness for the actors having to work their way through that script.

    • I’m a big Will Smith fan myself, and he wasn’t downright awful in After Earth, but nowhere near as good or as charismatic as I’m used to seeing him.

      Was very disappointed with Ryan Reynolds in RIPD, and despite Kevin Bacon being a talented individual there was nothing he could do to help make that script and story bearable.
      Good to see you anyway, hope all is going well over your neck of the woods!

  17. I agree that R.I.P.D. wasn’t very good but I was still able to get some enjoyment out of it. Loved Pacific Rim though. After Earth could have been better with another leading actor and a rewrite of the last part (hate it when animals suddenly start helping people)

    • Yes! The eagle thing made no sense, though I usually do appreciate sentiments like that. This time it completely fell short.

      Glad to meet someone who actually got some modicum of enjoyment from RIPD. Everywhere I look I see negativity directed toward it, it’s nice to see a positive spin, even if I do disagree!

      Thanks for the visit, I’m always delighted to find new quality blogs like yours.

  18. Pacific Rim was so awesome because it was the future Transformers beating up the cousins of Godzilla with a spoof of Avatar thrown in. No human could act in the two hours they were given, which lead us to want more fight scenes!! haha
    I passed on the other two because of how horrible they looked. Thanks from sparing me from ever watching them.

    • Haha you’re welcome! You’d more sense than I had to avoid them, I should have trusted my gut when I saw the trailers and read all of the scathing reviews here. Can’t help the curiosity sometimes, I’m my own worst enemy.

      Cheers for stopping by!

  19. Fun stuff, V! I don’t think I’d rent RIPD even on a slow night, ahah, looks so darn awful! Ahah, as for Pac Rim, I’m not ashamed to say I LOVE it, cheese and all. It’s just so much fun! I never thought of it before but you’re right Gypsy Danger does have a kinky sound to it, ahahaha.

    • It is awful, you were spot on with your observation! Pacific Rim was a lot of cheesy fun. At least we know that if the world ever comes to an end we have giant robot options. ;D

  20. Pacific Rim was an assault on the senses in IMAX 3D but not sure I could watch it again on the smaller screen…or maybe I might when it airs on Sky!

    Does what it says on the tin and whets the appetite for next year’s Godzilla remake I guess!

  21. I’d just like to add to the praise, by saying that I thought Pacific Rim was great too! I’ve just got it on 3D blu-ray, but can’t watch it because my PS3 suddenly died! Huuurnnnghhh!

  22. What do I think?
    Difficult to say. Why? I know NOTHING about movies… yet, I can see you sitting there… glass in hand… cursing at the screen like 12 year old screaming at the All Black who’s just tackled so and so…
    AaaaaaH well… you put a smile on my face… but then, that’s how Carter must have felt when he found the stone… no, I’ve got my history all mixed up!
    I’ll drink to your fun! :-P

    • Oh AJ, you’ve described the scene to perfection, what a wonderful eye you have. Do please drink to my fun, more to be had soon for tomorrow is Friday!

      • Now it is Saturday… again, and we can have all sorts of fun… both real and imaginary… both of our own making or by viewing the fantasies of others… ;-)
        I drink to your health!!
        Now I’m going for a walk before it’s dark… again! :-P
        Enjoy your weekend… don’t do what I wouldn’t!! :D

  23. I thought Pacific Rim was just plain crap to be honest. Now White House Down on the other hand, that IS a bad movie you might watch twice! At least it didn’t take itself seriously.

  24. Only just watched Pacific Rim and hope to write more about it soon. It’s big and stupid but giant robots smashing up monsters is just way too cool. :)

  25. Agree, Pacific Rim is Summer Fodder that I’ll watch every chance I can :)

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