I had plenty to do during my downtime on Risa. Drink, sunbathe, pose for a sculptor as he designed a giant statue of me to be erected on my home planet in recognition for my many great deeds, strut around in a bikini, verbally abuse the monkey butlers and catch all the Pokemon. I also got the opportunity to get up to date on all of my shows (no longer to be referred to as “my stories”, because I’m already enough of a granny), and I even picked up a couple more for maximum self-absorbed, “fantasy > reality” entertainment.
As many seasons of our favourite shows depicting our favourite heroes and villains draw to a close and hurtle toward the finale twilight zone, I’ve decided to outline everything I’ve watched, and how I felt about it at the time. Why do I want to do that to you, you might ask? I don’t really know why anyone listens to me anymore, I’m obviously a pathological liar.
Below is my review and breakdown of some of the currently running and ending shows. If you haven’t yet seen a specific entry and intend to, skip it and read on by, because there will be SPOILERS.
Let’s alphabetise this mofo!
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
In one of the most unexpected (and welcomed) turn of events in the history of big budget television, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to completely surprise and delight me. Eventually. Initially I, like most of you, was quite underwhelmed with the not-so-humble beginnings, and most of us, though recognising the potential inherent, felt disappointed with the slow, clunky story and hammy acting. I persevered with it, though admittedly I was letting the show run, largely ignored, until I had three to four episodes to watch in a row (this, if you ask me, is the superior method of viewing). On the whole, I’m very glad I did.
The last third of the season was leaps and bounds ahead of its first two in terms of action, intrigue and betrayal. I loved Bill Paxton in his role; the transformation of would-be buddy to totally camp psychopath was delicious, and I was happy to see them finally do something interesting with Agent Grant Bored. The season finale was extremely enjoyable, and having Mr. Whedon pen the script for it was a wise choice. The banter and dialogue was decidedly Whedonesque, and that is never a bad thing.
Will I be tuning in for Season 2? Mos def. Even though I dislike 90% of the characters in it. Agent May kicks arse though, doesn’t she?
After what I believed to be a solid start, my interest began to wane in Arrow from about the mid-way point, all the way to the end of this second season. Why am I complaining? Well, I’m not entirely sure. I love Crixis/Slade. The island scenes are there, I’ve always preferred those over the present day Starling City scenes. Malcom Merlyn resurfaced a couple of times (yay, a Barrowman appears!). Oliver Queen is still shirtless and smexy. The action sequences were wonderfully… actiony. They even killed off the mother! It was probably too much to ask for a double whammy of mother and daughter murderage, but man, that would have been really nice.
So yes, all of the good bits I liked from the first season were all there. But is it just me, or has that show just grown in puke-inducing cornyness? Has it always been like that? I found myself cringing an awful lot while watching the back end of this second season. Every time someone said “mirakuru”, I shuddered. Every time Roy pissed and moaned, I groaned. And every single time I saw formerly high school girl Thea running a NIGHT CLUB in the “Glades” I wanted to throw things at her lollipop-head. In the space of a few episodes I’d turned on Laurel Lance, too. So much so, that at the end of that staged showdown where Slade reinacts the scene on the island and forces Oliver to choose between Felicity and Laurel, I crossed my fingers in vain hope that they wouldn’t have a back-up plan to save EVERYONE. And as for the Olicity will they/won’t they stupidity, I really don’t give a continental crap.
To be brutally honest with myself, I’m not really sure if my interest in Arrow will continue next season. Oliver is off the island in flashback land, and apparently knew Waller and A.R.G.U.S. long before we believed he did, and now we get to find out how he learned to fly a plane. Yawn.
But pay no mind to any of that, check out this video of Caity Lotz’s (Black Canary) amazing moves! Now I understand why they cast her.
I most likely will watch a few episodes of Season 3, however. I owe The Vigilante that much for the hours of shirtless entertainment he provided.
Welcome a new one to the fold. Despite this being lauded as rubbish by the majority of people whose opinions I actually listen to (including Kev of The Mental Attic), when I saw it pop up on Netflix almost straight after its TV run finished, I decided to give it a whirl. It’s just as bad as everyone says it is, but I watched it all anyway, so it must have some positives. This Scyfy/Space venture is all about a pack of wolves. I want to say werewolves, but they never actually call themselves that. Anywho, it stars Laura Vandervoort (remember her from Smallville?) as Elena, who is a special snowflake. She’s the only woman EVER to survive the change. She’s also a super tracker and she’s the best at everything. Not just that, but she’s the only real female lead and the show suffers from “when the female lead isn’t in the room everyone should be talking about the female lead” syndrome, and all of the mens love her and want to howl at her moons.
Yet aside from the plethora of Mary Sue traits that Elena exhibits, I do love me some supernatural elements, and I’ve had enough of tween vampire shows for now. The content of Bitten is decidedly more adult, and they’re not beyond showing sexytime or some pretty gruesome murder scenes. It’s based on a book, so I can’t entirely blame the writers for Elena’s poor characterisation, or Vandervoort for her attempt at making this annoying female protagonist likeable. It has wolves and fight scenes and shirtlessness and boobs, so okay, points for that. Will I be watching the next season if it gets renewed? Probably. Would I recommend it to you, discerning readers? Probably not.
Game of Thrones
I know this hasn’t finished yet, but how could I compile a list of stuff I’ve watched, and not include Game of Thrones!? With the departure of our dear Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones has now become The Best Thing On TV (™). Never before has a show been so much FUN. Twitter blows up at the slightest plot twist. You can make an enemy of a stranger if you dare to discuss/spoil the latest episode in public. We chat about it in work, we cheer for the deaths of those characters we love to hate and we stare in slack-jawed shock when a beloved character is stabbed or beheaded or put on trial for treason. Well, okay, I don’t personally, because I’ve read the books (/smug), but watching everyone else’s reactions is equally as gratifying.
This season has seen an epic amount of bloodshed, and in true Game of Thrones fashion, it’s set to only increase. Joffrey drew his last breath during The Purple Wedding, with Tyrion, everyone’s favourite imp, being tried for his murder. Queen Khaleesi is crucifying slavers. Littlefinger rescued Sansa, put the moves on her and then threw his new wife out of the moon door. (Lord Robin: GOT MILK?) A Prince from Dorne steps in to take on The Mountain. The Hound and Arya bond, and some mad crap is happening with White Walker babies beyond the wall. Huzzah!
Probably the most consistently entertaining show on my schedule. I’ve always enjoyed Justified, and I don’t think there has been a “weak” season so far among its five. It’s violent and uncouth, and it has a cowboy Timothy Olyphant in it. What’s not to like? It’s also the first piece of television programming that made me want to go to Kentucky and see all of those good old fashioned southern boys for myself. This season ended with a teaser for what is to come for the next, and final instalment of the Raylan versus Boyd epic. Personally I think it has another couple of seasons left in it, and I’ll be sorry to see it end, but we all know it’s better for a loved show to go out with a bang rather than a neutered whimper.
Once Upon A Time
Why in the name of all that is holy am I still watching this. I’d stopped actually, months ago, but then the season ended so I decided to go back and watch everything I’d missed, one episode after another. I think Once Upon A Time is the only TV program in the history of TV programs that doesn’t lend itself well to the binge watch. This is because everything is fresh in your memory, so the plot holes and continuity ridiculousness are all the more glaringly obvious. The whole season was really bad. I thought the finale was enjoyable, to a degree, but then all of those scenes at the end felt so “tacked on” I got really browned off. And Frozen next season? Really? Way to cash in on that mammoth Disney cow. Not to mention the two characters sharing the one heart. WTF? I understand the idea, like two people being so close and in love they share the same heart and it’s a sweet sentiment and all, but literally? Come on, in real life you’d be dead in six months.
Phil Collins seems to know what they’re talking about:
Seriously, I love Phil Collins.
And though I <3 Robert Carlyle and Lana Parrilla too, and Irish Hook is damn dreamy, I’ll have to say so long Once Upon A Time. It’s been magically not delicious.
I’d watched the very first episode of Revolution as soon as it aired, as I’d been looking forward to it. Then I decided I didn’t like it and forgot about it completely, until Tim The Film Guy suggested I give it another whirl. So, taking his advice, I did just that. And I was glad that I did. A half dozen eps in and I was hooked. I was surprised to realise that I was thoroughly enjoying it. Then the second season rolled around, and while it wasn’t to the same standard of intrigue that it’s predecessor had been, I was still liking the cut of its jib.
Proceedings started to get a little iffy though with the crazy Nano storyline. There all of these clueless plebs were, running around, pointlessly sticking the pointy ends of swords into each other, when all the while this evolving technology wielded the power to wipe every single person out in the blink of an eye. You could say that’s an interesting dynamic, but to be honest, I really hated the Aaron/Priscilla/Nano scenes. All I wanted was to see Mofo Miles Matheson kick some Patriot rear, and evil
Gus Fring Tom Neville do clever, sinister things. Alas, it turns out that none of this really matters, because Revolution got cancelled.
They were cancelled before they even had a chance to wrap things up adequately. This season has, of course, already been filmed and will end on a cliffhanger. Revolution won’t be back for another and we’ll have no closure. As such, it’s been hard to bring myself to watch the last few episodes, and I find myself unable to recommend a series I know to be already doomed.
Among others, I’ve also been watching Suits, Black Sails, The Blacklist and American Horror Story, though I’m enjoying each of them, I haven’t yet seen enough of any of them to include here. That’s all I’ve got for you on this rainy Irish eve my friends. I’ve been listening to Phil Collins since the OUAT segment and I’m getting a bit weepy into my glass of red, so I’ll leave it there. As always, be sure to share with me your thoughts on your best (and worst!) of this season’s viewing.